life after the wedding

There I go, over a month into my marriage, with school assignments and personal projects piling up as the weeks of my new beginning progress. I haven't taken the time to sit and reflect on how I got here. Married life and student life have entered the chat as the ultimate collab waiting to pull the rug of uncertainty under my feet. On the outside, I'm riding this thing with my boo on some Jasmine and Aladdin-type tale, except God is our genie.

Although I welcome this new season, I can't help but feel the pressure building. I sense the resistance to accepting my new identity fully. Fear has nothing to do with it - or maybe it did, but my faith put that bih in a chokehold, and we dove right in - and I can't even swim! As someone who would prefer to take the easy route in life, you know, kick back, earn an honest wage, spend my days looking forward to the promises of every Friday, married me - or maybe it's almost-30-me, refuses to let "I'm not-30-yet-me" continue to sit comfy. And honestly, I love that for both of us. It's time to get uncomfortable. Sometimes, if no one else is going to push you to want more for yourself, you have to do it yourself.

I love this new life, this new season. It's the type of change when everything feels as different as it does the same - our marriage is 'homologous,' stemming from a common origin and a similar function as before, even though it looks different on paper. It won't always feel the same, but knowing that we both got this is comforting. I didn't mean to start the marriage by quitting my 9-5 to pursue an education in TV and filmmaking; it just unravelled that way—your typical short-term sacrifice for long-term gain. But look at us, broke and rich at the same damn time—Broke in our pockets but rich AF in spirit, lol.

It's been challenging learning to use my brain in a different capacity. I used to tap into my creativity sparingly, but now it's a muscle I'm working on developing daily. As I focus on creating new characters and stories, I simultaneously learn to be the main character in my own story. And so, I remain gentle with myself, knowing that this is only Act I; I'm still learning who I am now as a wife and allowing my story to unfold with unclenched fists as I follow my identity arc from resistance to resilience.

love x blessings,